What will God ask me when I get to heaven?

The purpose of my blog this afternoon, is to express my journey as a leader in developing how I express my belief that when I get to heaven, God will ask how good a husband and father I was (as well as Son, Son in Law, Brother) before what kind of Salvation Army Officer I was. I want my leadership to be defined by the quality of my relationship with Lizzy, Katherine and Benjamin rather than them being defined by my Officership. As a result, I hope that in another ten years, Lizzy and I are still enjoying our marriage and our children love hanging out with their parents.

This year, Lizzy and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage. We can honestly say that they have been “good years” if not always easy. We both have demanding and fulfilling vocations that requires time and energy to enable us to succeed. The biggest tension that exists is between these vocations and the quality time we desire for us as a couple and as a family with Katherine and Benjamin. Over these past 10 years, I feel confident that throughout these years I have developed a weekly rhythm that is a blessing to God first and foremost and then to me, my family and the people I lead.

However, I would like to be clear that there have been moments when my diary did not reflect the priority that my family should have taken. On occasions, my time was spent in church, doing many church activities. My main motivation being: fear of failure, people thinking I didn’t do any work (apart from Sunday’s) and a belief that my value as a leader was measured by what I did rather than who I am. It would be fair to say that I proclaimed the importance of prioritising family but did not always projected it through how I choose to use my time. Even though we never argued about it, I know there were moments I let down Lizzy because of the time I spent doing Church stuff rather than investing in our relationship. There were days I chose church over her, often for the reasons already outlined.

So what’s changed!

As mentioned, I have discovered that my leadership is not judged simply by what I do but what by the kind of leader I am. Over the past few years especially, I have become increasing aware of my desire to not please people or to get their approval for what I do but develop a passion to being a leader whose character, even when making tough decisions, stands up to questioning. I have been a lot more intentional about what choices I make regarding my time. For example, I am very protective about my day off (Usually Saturday) so that we can focus on doing family stuff (days out, extended family up to stay and generally having fun). Of course this is not also possible, so I make sure that I take time out at another point. I try, as much as possible, to be at home between the hours of 5 and 7. Obviously, with 2 little ones this is the stress point of the day. By being around in these moments I can ensure I do the tricky and tense bits of parenting that Lizzy has to do more often than I.

Overall, it has been my attitude that has changed most of all. What I believe must be born out in the choices I make. I still have much to improve and hope I will be brave enough to do so, so that I can answer God with integrity that my wife, children, extended family and friends have been valued and loved by the choices I made.

Matt

I don't do any work!

Over the past few weeks I have been considering how to explain and communicate to Katherine what I do when I leave the house in the morning. The obvious thing is to tell her is that I am going to work. Yet , I don't consider being a Salvation Army Officer (Church Leader) as a job or work. It is very much the vehicle for a calling and vocation rather than the thing I do to pay the bills, support my family, using my qualifications or pass the time of day. I consider it a joy that I am free to serve God in this way and never take it for granted. It is not so much a job but a way of life, seeking to help, support and lead others deepen thier faith and then sharing it so people may discover a loving God for themselves.

So how can I communicate all that to my family and other people without having to make a long drawn out statement or explanation. The reality is that I have to do tasks (admin, accounts, risk assessments, supervisions, meetings etc) within my week which would be considered as "work" in other organisations. The question is: How can I concisely express my calling in a way that can reflect what I do with my time but also the reason why I do it? 

In doing so, I want to express the sense of calling upon my life to serve God through the Salvation Army. The idea of call is possibly alien to some but is at the heart of anyone who proclaims faith. What I do should always be a reflection of my faith and relationship with God. As a result, my role as an Officer is because I am called to do so not because I think its a good idea or will make me a better Christian/follower. Jesus called people well before they were caperble of fulfiling the tasks at hand. His call was not founded on what the various people could bring to his team but because they were willing to follow regardless of the cost. In the same way I am called not because of what I can (or can't) do but because of who I am and so as a result my role as an SA Officer is not something I chose to do but where my obedience has taken me. I want to share the seriousness I take in ensureing that my calling isn't simply wrapped up in what I do but why I do it. Having been called I need to maintain a clear appreciation for what should motivated me as I serve in this way.

One of the barriers to communicating this clearly is that of the languge used. I mentioned the words "work" and "Job" at the top of the blog, are open to interuptation and not effective in describing the heart of the role I have or caling I a commtted too. But, I am also aware that I need to find somehing that people, espically those without an undersatnding of calling, can quicky connect with. I have to tried to change the empashsis by saying to Katherine "I am going to the Office at church." However, this then also restricts my undersatnding that Church is never about buildings. 

Essentially, I feel no nearer to discovering a good word or way to express my role in conversations but I am certainly more concious of the signals and messages its sends to my family and friends as to where I invest my time.

Matt

P.S Next blog is on "My desrie to maintain and develop a healthy experinece of my caliing for my family"