Will the real Benjamin Mark please stand up!

Our little boy Ben has had a difficult start to his life. He had bronchiolitis at 10 days old, awful Colic until he was 12/13 weeks and then contracted Chicken Pox from his sister at 14 weeks. To say its been hard work is an understatement. He has been terribly unsettled, not sleeping, no visible routine and often very unhappy. Until 2 weeks ago, when he decide that it was time to reveal his real character to us. His Colic has gone, spots fading and he has discovered that sleeping in the evening is good for him and his mum and dad. Although, I am delighted with a peaceful evening and 5 hours undisturbed sleep, I am even more excited to finally see what Benjamin is really like. It has felt to us like we haven't really seen the best of his fledging character and personality because of the issues I described earlier. Now we have a much more contented, happy and smiley little boy (and more awake parents).

The reason for this post is to remind me that I need to be the real me, I need to be the person God wants me to be and has created me to be. It is often easy to be burdened by the external pressures of life such as money, illness, family circricumstance, failure or dissatisfaction with our jobs. These, and other issues, can begin to define who we are, which is not a helpful or joyful road to travel down. But how do we define the me God has created us to be? How do we cultivate a character that reflects the deepest unseen reality within the creation God has made. I believe that God never makes mistakes and as a result there is no such thing as normal. We are all unique beings, created for unique purposes with individual skills and gifts. It wasn't luck that we were created this way but by a creative a god with the greatest imagination ever.

Who are you?

You are unique! No one is like you!

You are just the way God created you. The difficult bit is accepting and realising that it is us that mucks it up through the choices we make, attitudes we harbour and situations we deal with poorly. This is one of the great struggles humanity faces. Knowing who we are and who we are not will define how we act, how we live and what we value. This is a long process and requires honesty and courage. Often we have to acknowledge who we have become before we accept who God made us to be. One of the lies that has had a hold on me, for what ever reason, is that I am not intelligent. Academically, I have little to show to disprove this but I have begun to realise that I am brighter than I had thought and maybe others had given me credit for. I remember my school report saying "if Matt engaged brain instead of mouth would be a very bright student!" Although I did talk to much, maybe that phrase made me believe that talking was the only thing I excelled at and achieved during my school years? It is only now that I have discovered some confidence in academic study and even considering doing a degree or such like.

I don't believe I am called to be a professor but I am called to make the most of the person God has created. Only I can hold that back and only God, through his forgiveness and Holy Spirit, can release it.

I want to be the "me" God created me to be.

Matt

Hope.

Having seen the miserable and disgusting actions of Luis Suarez we can be left feeling a bit frustrated and disillusioned with the world. But here are some thoughts to revive your hope in our amazing world with some great people!

 

This time last year, I witnessed something incredible. Lizzy (my lovely wife) running and completing the London Marathon. She is a self confessed non-runner but was determined to accomplish this race in memory of our best friend Mark Versey, who died in 2011. Despite her uneventful sporting history, I was in little doubt that she would finish because she is very determined and, because of the cause, highly motivated to run and finish 26.3 miles. It was one of the most emotional things she has done and I have witnessed. She gave everything to her training (even when she twisted her ankle) and ran whilst 4 weeks pregnant with Benjamin Mark. Her achievement is even more amazing because of the £3500 she raise for the British Heart foundation. I am so proud of her achievement and her determination to raise money even though it is probably the last thing she would ever want to do. Out of sorrow came hope.

 

Having watched, and followed other friends running it this year, I am moved and filled with hope. With the sadness of the Boston Marathon as the backdrop, runners of all abilities and motivation set out on one of the greatest sporting events in front of 700,000 committed and defiant supporters. Having run the race in 2010 I know the feeling at the start when you realise that you are not alone in what you are about to embark upon. There is no great feeling of a stranger shouting out you name and cheering "keep going, you can do it." Even though the sorrow of Boston and  the emotional reasons people enter and run the London Marathon, it is an example of humanity at it's finest, its most communal and its most hopeful.

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-22236946 - London Marathon Silence

 

Well done to all who ran and finished the Marathon this year. However, you don't have to run the London Marathon to bring hope into the world. In fact, our everyday provide opportunities to bring a little bit of hope. The link below is a bit about a great example of giving Hope. Charlotte Staunton is a 5 Handicap Golfer and University who volunteers to teach Golf in Schools.

 

http://www1.skysports.com/golf/news/12040/8649078/Get-Involved-meets-golfing-local-hero-Charlotte-Staunton-on-Saturday

 

Here is a link to Ambassadors in Sport's Hope FC.

http://www.ais-uk.org/hope_fc.htm

 

Hope is here. Let others know it is!

Matt

Question Time.

I mentioned in a previous blog about how in leadership you need to ask good questions to get the best out of yourself and the people around you. In this blog I want to explore a little more about the purpose and potential this attitude (it is all about wanting to learn rather than simply finding a solution) of asking good questions can impact a leaders effectiveness. This is an area I still find difficult but have developed more in the last few years. I constantly have to ask myself "have I asked enough good questions today."

The first thing to set straight is to dispel the myth that everyone hates having to answer difficult questions! This was how I once thought but now realise that people can handle difficult questions and consequently change, if the right questions are asked in the right way. Many people think that if you question someone about their effectiveness you are telling them they are not very good at their job despite your motives being honourable. So what how can we achieve the best outcomes when tackling difficult issues with people.

For example: You want to find out why a task has not been consistently being fulfilled by a staff member. The most effective way to challenge as to "why" a job or task hasn't been done is to try and discover what factors are hindering them in achieving there goal. Just by simply wanting finding out why something hasn't been done may not mean that it doesn't happen again in the future. You need to ask questions that help people discover answers and solutions. Questions such as: What 3 things hinder you carrying out your role? What changes do you need to make to improve your effectiveness?

In the church we seem to want to avoid difficult questions and conflict at all cost so that we don't have to deal with the stuff that may result. This however is not honour to the church, the members or indeed God. Jesus is often found to be asking question of his closest friends not to catch them out or to embarrass them but to draw out there own believes and characters. This is the job of a leader and one Jesus does brilliantly in order to prepare the disciples for there challenge. Develop the church for the mission of God.

The second thing to be reminded of is that question nothing is not an option. In my experience asking the wrong questions or doing it in the wrong way is far better than just going with the norm. Apathy is one of the most dangerous places a church can find itself. For it is an apathetic church that will die slowly but surely. It is through questioning, especially good questions, where God can reveal and revive a otherwise stationary congregation. From the prospective of the leader by asking questions you give others the opportunity to answer (from their prospective) and opinions shared. Once you begin to ask good questions, there is not going back and change is already afoot.

Go on, ask the questions but be ready to hear the answers.

Matt

I need some ideas!

Being a dad has its blessing but Children's TV is not one of them. However, whilst watching Bob the Builder I found myself pondering a issue which I think is at the heart of successful leadership and in my context, Church Growth.

"It's not about who has the ideas, it's about working in a team that is what's important." Bob the Builder.

It is easy as a leader to assume that you know best or have all the answers to all problems that may occur. Often this is manifested that if your team, church or people you line manage who may have a problem. They always come to you for help. This of course is a reality in leadership and management that should not be taken lightly or responsibility neglected. But there are reasons not to resolve all the problems yourself or be the one who has all the ideas. Not matter how good the leader, team work is and will always be the key component in success.

Essential, I have grown to understand and hopefully put into practice that leadership is best exercised in community. In the past I have often felt the pressure to come up with all the ideas or have all the solutions. If I am honest, I have quiet enjoyed it. But the more I discover about leadership, the more I realise I can't do it alone, and neither do I want to.

Despite the clear purpose and benefits to leading in community there will be some tensions that raise their head. Here are a few to watch out for:

Not pulling our weight - if you lead with more people, there maybe some that as the Leader you are doing less or simply delegating the Jobs you hate on to others. It is important that you evaluate the jobs/roles people play in your team to ensure this doesn't happen. The questions we need to ask are; Am I the best person for this task/role? Then ask; Am I the right person?

Loss of Authority - It can appear that as you lead more with others you lose your authority as the leader. It is my observation that spiritual authority is developed in relationship with others rather than simply using your position as your authority. This can be highlight in autocratic organisations where often people are appointed because of the length of service, rank or title, or career pathway rather than gift, skills, character or passions.

Out of control - It can often happen that when you lead with others, you don't always know what is going on or what is about to happen. For any leaders this is a scary place to be but I have seen that when you keep out the way people produce their best because they know that you trust them. On Good Friday, Luke and Abi arrange a prayer room for our church to reflect on. The only thing they asked me to do a Bible reflection. Funnily enough, I don't think anyone used it as there were so many excellent resources they had prepared.

Ephesians 4 v 16 - As each part does it's own special work, it helps the other parts to grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.

My desire is to see a church where the leaders are brave enough to not always lead and wise enough to know who should.

Matt

Get out the way.

Often leaders think that they know best and its their way or the highway. It would be fair to say that this has been my journey over the last few years. I am a confident leader and person who loves doing stuff and being involved with church life. But sometimes this has been to the determent of others growth. It is my desire to be a leader who leaders and release others to be the best they can and support them in that journey.

To highlight this I want to share two stories:

1 - In my previous role at Leicester South I ran a mission week in the community we were moving the church into. Essentially, I did it on my own with a little help from one other person. It was a disaster and had little or no impact what so ever. I remember reflecting back with our church leaders after the week about why it hadn't worked and what I could do as a result. The overriding question in my mind was "why didn't they stop me doing it." Yet, I am grateful they didn't as I now know that you should never try to do anything on your own. I can confess I have not always expressed this lesson but am certainly trying to.

2 - Just a few weeks ago we dedicated (Christened) our new son Benjamin. The worship group were leading 2 songs where in between there is some music or someone to pray. About 10 mins before the service the Worship Group leader, Luke, asked me to do the prayer. I said no. As the time came during the Worship Groups songs for someone to pray, Mike began to pray a beautiful prayer of dedication and love for Ben and our family. I was far better coming from mike than me! Thanks to Luke for asking Mike and for Mike stepping up and doing it.

Sometimes as leaders we need to keep out the of the way so others can learn from their failures and success. A leaders joy should be in witnessing others discovery and often coming up with better ideas or solutions than yourself. To do this a leaders job is to ask the right questions to assist others learning (will look at this in more detail in future blogs). This doesn't mean that as leaders we absconded from our responsibility for the success or failure of something under our leadership. In fact, the opposite is true. We take seriously not just the things we have under our care but the people we lead and rely on to make them happen.

Maybe you need to get out the way and let others discover the gifts they have and let them use them.

Matt

Mentoring

Its funny how things work out. Three years ago I was sat in Donnington Services on the M1 waiting for my new mentor to arrive for out monthly meeting. Today I write this blog in anticipation on my mentee turning up for our first meeting. I am really looking forward to seeing if we can make this mentoring relationship work and count it a privilege to be asked to join an old friend on a new chapter of his life. I want to spend the time I have today to look at why mentoring is important in a leaders life and how it impacts both mentor and mentee.

So why is mentoring important?

When I met with my mentor a few weeks ago he said "that he never had such a formal relationship as a mentor but has always had mentors in his life." This is a helpful insight into understanding the role a mentor plays and how it can influence not just your current situation but the future ones too. Mentoring is not a new found obsession in leadership but an model that has been around for a long time. It the bible we find evidence of this; Elijah had Elisha, Joshua had Moses and the disciples had Jesus. Jesus was a mentor to 12 people over a three year period. It was intensive and very purposeful and deeply rewarding for all involved. Mentoring, at its best, provides an environment where honestly and truth flow freely and, over time, development of the mentee's spiritual health and professional competency are brought to account and developed. This is key in desiring to become a better leader, and all good leaders should want to be better ones! Mentoring also allows the mentee to have someone where anything should be able to be discussed. This gives the mentee a safe place to vent their frustrations, speak openly about certain situations or also person struggles. Leadership can be a lonely place and an outlet such as this will provide invaluable.

So what benefits are there?

I want to begin by saying that Mentoring isn't about what you get out of it. Mentoring is costly for both mentee and mentor so must be entered into with resect and and expectation that it will challenge and change who you are. That said, there will be signs of a positive relationship between mentor and mentee. These could be:

Confidence in professional life - Feeling like you have a grip on what is required of you and improving. People may comment on this in your setting.
Healthy and Family life - There will be fewer complaints from spouse or children that you are out to much or not attentive enough to their needs. Enjoying being at home and not wanting to work all the time.
Feeling energised after your meeting - you will come away from your mentor meeting ready for anything. You will feel an inch taller and better equipped to face difficult situation that may arise. You will also have a deeper desire to put thing in place that you have been meaning to for a while. Released - It's good to talk was an old slogan of BT and is true in mentoring. Often, being able to vocalise something bring clarity in our thoughts as to the way to proceed.

These give a flavour of how the mentee can be impacted and subsequently provide some markers for what to look out for if a relationship isn't working.

The mentor will also be provide with many blessings from listening and question another in their leadership journey. It is always exciting and interesting to witness another growth and development. As a mentor you get to see it close up. Also, as you mentor another, you will also be challenged in your own calling/appointment/vocation as to what you need to develop and be held to account for. It is a sobering thought to know that another trust you with their inner feelings, emotions and struggles even though you often feel the same.

Ultimately, being mentored or being a mentor is a honour and privilege. It is also a releif to know that someone is willing and ready to listen to a leaders heart, calling and hopes for their life.

Matt

(this was written a few weeks back but have only just got round to editing and posting)

Why Tuesday?

For a while now I have spent Tuesday afternoons in a coffee house, pub or hotel foyer with my laptop, a book, ipad and coffee. This has been valuable time spent away from both home and office to focus on my own leadership. Sometimes I get caught doing "work stuff" but on the whole it is a time where I focus on me and the leader I need and want to be. It also provides time to catch up if an emergency or something out of the ordinary occurs. This isn't a time for self indulgence (the occasional Hot Chocolate does go a miss) or a time to simple hide away from the world. It is time built in my week where I know I can think about who I am in God and who God wants and needs me to be as a husband, dad and leader.

Along side my Tuesday time, I have always wanted to get back into blogging and so had an idea to link the 2 together (hence the blog title). My hope is that each Tuesday I can blog on something related to the area of leadership and the struggles and success I have with it. The irony being that today I had to sort out a broken window in the Mini Bus and cover the cafe as one of our staff was off and as a result didn't get away from the office but had a few moments to finish off my first blog.

 

My experience of leadership is that unless I take responsibility for my time, diary, priorities and passions then I will be overrun with trying to please everyone or seeking to do everything. In my blogs I hope to share my journey to ensure that I am still following God's call for my life in 30 - 40 years time. But more importantly, that I can look back and see my leadership has had a positive impact on Lizzy, Katherine, Ben and the rest of my family and friends. Any calling to leadership is always bigger than the church or ministry you lead and for me it is about how you manage and develop the various priorities and passions in your life to enhance your leadership.

 

If you have any suggestion for discussion or for me to blog on then feel free to get in touch.

 

Matt