Will the real Benjamin Mark please stand up!

Our little boy Ben has had a difficult start to his life. He had bronchiolitis at 10 days old, awful Colic until he was 12/13 weeks and then contracted Chicken Pox from his sister at 14 weeks. To say its been hard work is an understatement. He has been terribly unsettled, not sleeping, no visible routine and often very unhappy. Until 2 weeks ago, when he decide that it was time to reveal his real character to us. His Colic has gone, spots fading and he has discovered that sleeping in the evening is good for him and his mum and dad. Although, I am delighted with a peaceful evening and 5 hours undisturbed sleep, I am even more excited to finally see what Benjamin is really like. It has felt to us like we haven't really seen the best of his fledging character and personality because of the issues I described earlier. Now we have a much more contented, happy and smiley little boy (and more awake parents).

The reason for this post is to remind me that I need to be the real me, I need to be the person God wants me to be and has created me to be. It is often easy to be burdened by the external pressures of life such as money, illness, family circricumstance, failure or dissatisfaction with our jobs. These, and other issues, can begin to define who we are, which is not a helpful or joyful road to travel down. But how do we define the me God has created us to be? How do we cultivate a character that reflects the deepest unseen reality within the creation God has made. I believe that God never makes mistakes and as a result there is no such thing as normal. We are all unique beings, created for unique purposes with individual skills and gifts. It wasn't luck that we were created this way but by a creative a god with the greatest imagination ever.

Who are you?

You are unique! No one is like you!

You are just the way God created you. The difficult bit is accepting and realising that it is us that mucks it up through the choices we make, attitudes we harbour and situations we deal with poorly. This is one of the great struggles humanity faces. Knowing who we are and who we are not will define how we act, how we live and what we value. This is a long process and requires honesty and courage. Often we have to acknowledge who we have become before we accept who God made us to be. One of the lies that has had a hold on me, for what ever reason, is that I am not intelligent. Academically, I have little to show to disprove this but I have begun to realise that I am brighter than I had thought and maybe others had given me credit for. I remember my school report saying "if Matt engaged brain instead of mouth would be a very bright student!" Although I did talk to much, maybe that phrase made me believe that talking was the only thing I excelled at and achieved during my school years? It is only now that I have discovered some confidence in academic study and even considering doing a degree or such like.

I don't believe I am called to be a professor but I am called to make the most of the person God has created. Only I can hold that back and only God, through his forgiveness and Holy Spirit, can release it.

I want to be the "me" God created me to be.

Matt