What will God ask me when I get to heaven?

The purpose of my blog this afternoon, is to express my journey as a leader in developing how I express my belief that when I get to heaven, God will ask how good a husband and father I was (as well as Son, Son in Law, Brother) before what kind of Salvation Army Officer I was. I want my leadership to be defined by the quality of my relationship with Lizzy, Katherine and Benjamin rather than them being defined by my Officership. As a result, I hope that in another ten years, Lizzy and I are still enjoying our marriage and our children love hanging out with their parents.

This year, Lizzy and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage. We can honestly say that they have been “good years” if not always easy. We both have demanding and fulfilling vocations that requires time and energy to enable us to succeed. The biggest tension that exists is between these vocations and the quality time we desire for us as a couple and as a family with Katherine and Benjamin. Over these past 10 years, I feel confident that throughout these years I have developed a weekly rhythm that is a blessing to God first and foremost and then to me, my family and the people I lead.

However, I would like to be clear that there have been moments when my diary did not reflect the priority that my family should have taken. On occasions, my time was spent in church, doing many church activities. My main motivation being: fear of failure, people thinking I didn’t do any work (apart from Sunday’s) and a belief that my value as a leader was measured by what I did rather than who I am. It would be fair to say that I proclaimed the importance of prioritising family but did not always projected it through how I choose to use my time. Even though we never argued about it, I know there were moments I let down Lizzy because of the time I spent doing Church stuff rather than investing in our relationship. There were days I chose church over her, often for the reasons already outlined.

So what’s changed!

As mentioned, I have discovered that my leadership is not judged simply by what I do but what by the kind of leader I am. Over the past few years especially, I have become increasing aware of my desire to not please people or to get their approval for what I do but develop a passion to being a leader whose character, even when making tough decisions, stands up to questioning. I have been a lot more intentional about what choices I make regarding my time. For example, I am very protective about my day off (Usually Saturday) so that we can focus on doing family stuff (days out, extended family up to stay and generally having fun). Of course this is not also possible, so I make sure that I take time out at another point. I try, as much as possible, to be at home between the hours of 5 and 7. Obviously, with 2 little ones this is the stress point of the day. By being around in these moments I can ensure I do the tricky and tense bits of parenting that Lizzy has to do more often than I.

Overall, it has been my attitude that has changed most of all. What I believe must be born out in the choices I make. I still have much to improve and hope I will be brave enough to do so, so that I can answer God with integrity that my wife, children, extended family and friends have been valued and loved by the choices I made.

Matt

I don't do any work!

Over the past few weeks I have been considering how to explain and communicate to Katherine what I do when I leave the house in the morning. The obvious thing is to tell her is that I am going to work. Yet , I don't consider being a Salvation Army Officer (Church Leader) as a job or work. It is very much the vehicle for a calling and vocation rather than the thing I do to pay the bills, support my family, using my qualifications or pass the time of day. I consider it a joy that I am free to serve God in this way and never take it for granted. It is not so much a job but a way of life, seeking to help, support and lead others deepen thier faith and then sharing it so people may discover a loving God for themselves.

So how can I communicate all that to my family and other people without having to make a long drawn out statement or explanation. The reality is that I have to do tasks (admin, accounts, risk assessments, supervisions, meetings etc) within my week which would be considered as "work" in other organisations. The question is: How can I concisely express my calling in a way that can reflect what I do with my time but also the reason why I do it? 

In doing so, I want to express the sense of calling upon my life to serve God through the Salvation Army. The idea of call is possibly alien to some but is at the heart of anyone who proclaims faith. What I do should always be a reflection of my faith and relationship with God. As a result, my role as an Officer is because I am called to do so not because I think its a good idea or will make me a better Christian/follower. Jesus called people well before they were caperble of fulfiling the tasks at hand. His call was not founded on what the various people could bring to his team but because they were willing to follow regardless of the cost. In the same way I am called not because of what I can (or can't) do but because of who I am and so as a result my role as an SA Officer is not something I chose to do but where my obedience has taken me. I want to share the seriousness I take in ensureing that my calling isn't simply wrapped up in what I do but why I do it. Having been called I need to maintain a clear appreciation for what should motivated me as I serve in this way.

One of the barriers to communicating this clearly is that of the languge used. I mentioned the words "work" and "Job" at the top of the blog, are open to interuptation and not effective in describing the heart of the role I have or caling I a commtted too. But, I am also aware that I need to find somehing that people, espically those without an undersatnding of calling, can quicky connect with. I have to tried to change the empashsis by saying to Katherine "I am going to the Office at church." However, this then also restricts my undersatnding that Church is never about buildings. 

Essentially, I feel no nearer to discovering a good word or way to express my role in conversations but I am certainly more concious of the signals and messages its sends to my family and friends as to where I invest my time.

Matt

P.S Next blog is on "My desrie to maintain and develop a healthy experinece of my caliing for my family"

Questions

‘If I had an hour to solve a problem, and my life depended on the solution, I would spend the first 55 minutes determining the proper question to ask, for once I know the proper question, I could solve the problem in less than five minutes’ (Albert Einstein).

My observation is that we are conditioned to talk first and think second. How many leaders have you witnessed, when asked a question, say nothing or reply by saying "let me go away and think about it!" As a leader there is a great pressure to come up with an instant answer regardless of whether it is right or wrong. We assume that by giving a response quickly we are a better or more effective  leader. As someone that likes talking and the sound of his own voice, it's comes as no problem for me to want to answer all questions quickly and with accuracy.

However, recently I have been trying to reverse my instinct and challenge how I communicate with those under my leadership. Maybe they have noticed, maybe not, but what has become apparent is that I say to much and not enough time thinking, praying and discerning answers that may lie beyond my initial reaction. For example in my mentoring sessions, I am very conscious that I have become less scared of silence. Just because nothing is being spoken doesn't mean nothing is being thought through. I still struggle to refrain from filling the silent void with another question because I don't want my mentee to feel I have disengaged or not a good enough mentor that can come up with another question. I am learning the importance of asking good questions that get to the heart of the matter rather than average questions that simple skim the surface. One question should be all that is required to allow others to process their inner thoughts and feelings.

Einstein's quote has also challenged me to think again about something I need to develop. Preparation. By nature, I love improvising (making it up as I go along) and have the spiritual gift of "blagging."  I can confess that my preparation has not always been sufficient or effective but just about good enough to get me by. However, this is not good enough for God and the people I lead. In recent months, I have made an effort and choice to use my time more wisely in preparing for worship, team meetings and other events. For example, I am doing a speaking engagement tomorrow (Wednesday) and all my prep was done by last Friday. This now gives me the flexibility to edit and refine my thoughts, powerpoint and take time to pray for those who will be its recipients. Also, in recent weeks have I have tried to prepare worship by Wednesday or Thursday so that I can ensure I have time to make changes and be more confident in my message and hope for it. This has also meant that I am thinking about the coming Sunday from the commencement of the week which means I have come up with more creative, fun and helpful illustrations that if I had left my preparation to Friday which has often increased the pressure to come up with the ideas. Often these have not been adequate but not brilliant or possible even that helpful.

Doing the preparation doesn't restrict my nature for spontaneity or flexibility but provides a firm foundation to work from that can only provide a better outcome or impact for those I lead.

How do you spend your hour?

Matt