The purpose of my blog this
afternoon, is to express my journey as a leader in developing how I express my
belief that when I get to heaven, God will ask how good a husband and father I
was (as well as Son, Son in Law, Brother) before what kind of Salvation Army
Officer I was. I want my leadership to be defined by the quality of my relationship
with Lizzy, Katherine and Benjamin rather than them being defined by my Officership.
As a result, I hope that in another ten years, Lizzy and I are still enjoying
our marriage and our children love hanging out with their parents.
This year, Lizzy and I will
celebrate 10 years of marriage. We can honestly say that they have been “good
years” if not always easy. We both have demanding and fulfilling vocations that
requires time and energy to enable us to succeed. The biggest tension that exists
is between these vocations and the quality time we desire for us as a couple
and as a family with Katherine and Benjamin. Over these past 10 years, I feel confident
that throughout these years I have developed a weekly rhythm that is a blessing
to God first and foremost and then to me, my family and the people I lead.
However, I would like to be clear
that there have been moments when my diary did not reflect the priority that my
family should have taken. On occasions, my time was spent in church, doing many
church activities. My main motivation being: fear of failure, people thinking I
didn’t do any work (apart from Sunday’s) and a belief that my value as a leader
was measured by what I did rather than who I am. It would be fair to say that I
proclaimed the importance of prioritising family but did not always projected
it through how I choose to use my time. Even though we never argued about it, I
know there were moments I let down Lizzy because of the time I spent doing Church
stuff rather than investing in our relationship. There were days I chose church
over her, often for the reasons already outlined.
So what’s changed!
As mentioned, I have discovered
that my leadership is not judged simply by what I do but what by the kind of
leader I am. Over the past few years especially, I have become increasing aware
of my desire to not please people or to get their approval for what I do but develop
a passion to being a leader whose character, even when making tough decisions,
stands up to questioning. I have been a lot more intentional about what choices
I make regarding my time. For example, I am very protective about my day off (Usually
Saturday) so that we can focus on doing family stuff (days out, extended family
up to stay and generally having fun). Of course this is not also possible, so I
make sure that I take time out at another point. I try, as much as possible, to
be at home between the hours of 5 and 7. Obviously, with 2 little ones this is
the stress point of the day. By being around in these moments I can ensure I do
the tricky and tense bits of parenting that Lizzy has to do more often than I.
Overall, it has been my attitude
that has changed most of all. What I believe must be born out in the choices I
make. I still have much to improve and hope I will be brave enough to do so, so
that I can answer God with integrity that my wife, children, extended family
and friends have been valued and loved by the choices I made.
Matt
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